Saturday, May 7, 2011

...Fucking Mother of Hell

I... God fucking damn everything.

These have been the worst few days of my life. I mean... Ugh. I don't want to talk about it, but I do. My head is pounding, and Gabe is awake and has been demanding answers since we got back to the hotel room. The door has been mythically fixed, to those that care. Which is great. I'm almost out of cash. This is the last night in a hotel we can afford, I think.

I'm going to start with me. Saturday night, I woke up around 1:30 am. So, Sunday morning. Not really important. I woke up because something had pinned me to my front, and was tying my wrists, I struggled, and threw it off. In the dim light, I could see it was a person. I flicked on a light, and see Vera staring up at me from the floor. But I knew something else was there, I could just feel it. No, that's a lie, I could feel -him-. Almost like he cast a shadow in my mind. I glanced up... And there -he- was. Just standing there, his head cocked. He 'stared at me like that, and I stared back. Vera... Vindicta... Whoever, she didn't dare disrupt our staring match.

Something changed. He shifted first, and it was almost like time ha unfrozen. Vera launched at me, tackling me. I was so surprised and tried I tumbled back and cracked my head on the wall so hard I saw stars. I don't remember anything else in the hotel room.

When I woke up, I was in a dusty room with a single, curtain-less window. There was no bed or anything, and I was left sitting in the corner. My wrists were tied behind my back. My ankles were bound together. My head was throbbing and I just felt -wrong-. It felt like there was that weird... Cloud thing in my head again,like something was pushing against my mind.

Vindicta was on a stool near the door, wrapped up in her iPod. She glanced over at me, looking a little surprised that I was awake. And then she grinned at me. Not her normal grin. No, it was just... Evil is the best way to put it.

We just sort of stared at each other for a while. That's all we really did when we were alone. She didn't hurt me, I didn't talk to her. It was kind of a silent, mutual agreement we had, I think.

It was when He was in the room that things were bad. Vindicta would watch and he and I either stared at each other, or he chose to assault my mind and leave me in so much pain it felt like he was ripping open my skull and my brain and bagging it and hanging it from trees, all while I was awake and able to feel it all. I don't know how, but the whole process made my entire body sore. It was... Awful. It happened a couple of times before Wednesday.

Tuesday, fairly late and night, Slender carried Gabe in. He was unconscious and tied up. I think the first I spoke to Vera... Vindicta. The first I spoke to -Vindicta- was when I asked what the hell they did to him. She didn't really give me an answer, and slender shut me up pretty quick.

Adrian came in like the big hero on Wednesday. I really only heard what happened as opposed to see it, as Vindicta had been operating from another room that day. There was the sound of glass breaking, which I later learned was the front window. Adrian apparently has some sniper training, and shot Vindicta in the knee. I heard her hobble to the door and open it. I heard them have a scuffle. There were lots of bangs and thuds and yelling an cursing. Then there were three gun shots, but the scuffle still continued. I managed to get myself free and then helped Gabe out. He lead me out, and we talked with Adrian.

Well, Gabe talked. I saw V... My V, my sister, knocked unconscious on the floor, bloody and beaten to hell. I screamed at him and called him a bunch of nasty names. He threatened to tranquilize me and actually did tranquilize Gabe. I've... I've never been that angry before in my life, I don't think. What he did to Vera was too fucking -real-.

Then he offered to take us all to safety, and promised to care for V and make Vindicta disappear. He promised Gabe and I would be free of Him.

I helped him tie up V and let him take her. I let him go with her. I'm a terrible, rotten person who let a murder take my as good as blood best friend away to Primus knows where to use her as a lab rat. And I didn't go with them to protect her. I watched him leave, and waited in that house.

Slender came in at come point, and everything went black. When I woke up, Gabe was awake and flipping his shit and my head was throbbing but we were back in the hotel room with all of our things as we'd left them.

You all must think that I'm stupid for not taking Adrian up on his offer. I had my chance to get Gabe and I out and I didn't take it.

I just don't trust him. I'm terrible for it, but he might be able to care for her when she'd just wind up killing me eventually.  Maybe he can save her. If he can... I'm going to cut off all contact from them, so they don't get infected again. Maybe they can make it work. I hope that they can.

When Gabe reads this, he'd probably going to hate me...

I'm not okay. I feel violated and disgusting and there's a huge ugly operator symbol shaped bruise on my back. And we're almost out of money. And it took me days to write this because I keep sobbing and hacking my lungs out and getting nosebleeds every ime i write this like He doesn't want me to share the story.

i'm scared, guys. i fucked up and i'm scared and i want my best friend and my famiy and y friends and my cat. i want to wake up and be home an the worst think i have to worry about is taking a math test that ay or something. i want my life back...

my head hurts... that fuzzy feeling is back...

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