A dear friend(In regards to Gabe): Awesome. Tell him I say hi. Also, if he doesn't treat you right I will use his face as a lampshade.
Another friend: Happy birthday Sammie! If anyone ruins it for you, I will remove their fingers and mail them to their mother~ <3
Another friend(a guy this time): Well, worse case scenario we can feed him[not Gabe] to the sharks.
I just gotta say, I love my internet friends. This will be my lighthearted post of the night. I'll stop soon, I swear.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Real Reason for the Blog Wipe of Everything I See
Well, I'm sure some of you may remember some of the emotional posts on here that have now been taken down in regards to Mr. Shelton.
Most of you were here for that... Interesting little saga on my blog. But I'm only going into this because as a cosmic birthday gift, the diety's have given me time. And you know what? I think all of you have a right to know.
You see, there are two sides to every story. And while I'll admit some fault on my end, I also believe I was quite a bit in the right for my reaction.
Let's wind the clocks back to March, when I was still getting on every day to blog to you people, because I was stupid. Well, I was also finding the time to IM my then-boyfriend Shelton. Things were going pretty smoothly, really. I was a happy, naive little teenager with her first almost-a-boyfriend(I've since decided that he doesn't count). I was keeping myself alive, handling being a runner like any stupid, teenage girl might. But I guess Slender didn't want the authorities on me, so they never came.
Well, there's this interesting little corner of the internet called Facebook. I'm sure more than one of you have dealt with this destroyer of worlds. Well, one night, I got bored. Darby wasn't on, but I wanted to try to learn a little more about him. Why not search him on Facebook, right? So I did, and went through his wall.
I was surprised, and more than a little hurt, to find his relationship status was with his old girlfriend. You know, the one who supposedly cheated on him? "Okay, maybe he just never got around to changing it". It wasn't like we were friends on the site anyway. So, I keep looking, despite the alarm bells in the bak of my head warning me I wasn't going to like what I found.
He got back with the girlfriend on the same day that he formally asked me out. Huh, now didn't that strike me as odd. Well, coupled with the fact that they were still sending messages that indicated they were both still together, I got the hint.
I got upset, and broke up with him. Being conflicted, I was my usual indecisive self and then tried to immediately thereafter make things right. Naive, please don't forget that as you read.
When he tried to explain himself, I wasn't really terribly open minded. Looking back, I can't blame myself. What I read had been a good hard slap in the face. Him trying to explain that he loved us both seemed ridiculous at first, just because of what he did to her. Looking back, I can understand that a little more, but still. He was dating her still, or at least that certainly how it looked, while he was dating me. Have any of you ever heard the term "cheating" in relation to relationships.
It wasn't fair. Not to me, and certainly not to Mr. Shelton's other girlfriend. So that is why I now believe that I was justified in my actions.
So here's my explanation for Shelton's most recent death. He was trying to get away from -me-. And instead of acting like a man, and telling me to get away from his blog, or even at least giving an honest last post, he faked his own death and let Vexil along with every single other blogger look like the bad guy.
There, that's the real reason for the blog wipe. That is why I got so upset that I deleted the complete history of Everything I See. That's why you can't go back and read my other posts. Because I got emotional and acted rashly, like any human might.
Just because we're running, doesn't mean that we loose the right to that. And I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I am some hero like Zeke Strahm. I don't think I have, because that just isn't me. I guess that just makes me pretty boring, huh?
I know it's late for me to post this now. But Shelton has made yet another miraculous return from the dead, and has admitted he owes an explanation. Not just to me, but to everyone here on the blogs. On his own post, I have commented that it had better be a damn good one. We'll see if it turns out to be some chivalrous hero story to mostly dead air. Or maybe it will be something honest that gains him a bit more respect from at least my side of the story.
I will give him some credit, though. After what, 2 months now? He contacted me and gave me an apology last night. And as I've said many times before, and as I said last night, I forgive him. Perhaps not entirely, and trusting him would be damn near impossible, but forgiveness I can do.
You know, it really hurt when it all happened. And when it did, I was plunging right into a period of time where I could have used every ounce of help I could get from people who were moderately sane. Now, at the still quite young age of 16, I am at least grateful for the heartbreak. One shouldn't take bad things for granted. Daddy did always tell me to learn from my... Well, I don't want to say mistake. Bad choice. So, I learned, the hard way.
Young love is stupid anyway ;P
And you know what? For the first time, I can really look back at something and admit that I'm not sorry for how I acted. And hindsight is 20/20. So I guess that is always a positive.
Most of you were here for that... Interesting little saga on my blog. But I'm only going into this because as a cosmic birthday gift, the diety's have given me time. And you know what? I think all of you have a right to know.
You see, there are two sides to every story. And while I'll admit some fault on my end, I also believe I was quite a bit in the right for my reaction.
Let's wind the clocks back to March, when I was still getting on every day to blog to you people, because I was stupid. Well, I was also finding the time to IM my then-boyfriend Shelton. Things were going pretty smoothly, really. I was a happy, naive little teenager with her first almost-a-boyfriend(I've since decided that he doesn't count). I was keeping myself alive, handling being a runner like any stupid, teenage girl might. But I guess Slender didn't want the authorities on me, so they never came.
Well, there's this interesting little corner of the internet called Facebook. I'm sure more than one of you have dealt with this destroyer of worlds. Well, one night, I got bored. Darby wasn't on, but I wanted to try to learn a little more about him. Why not search him on Facebook, right? So I did, and went through his wall.
I was surprised, and more than a little hurt, to find his relationship status was with his old girlfriend. You know, the one who supposedly cheated on him? "Okay, maybe he just never got around to changing it". It wasn't like we were friends on the site anyway. So, I keep looking, despite the alarm bells in the bak of my head warning me I wasn't going to like what I found.
He got back with the girlfriend on the same day that he formally asked me out. Huh, now didn't that strike me as odd. Well, coupled with the fact that they were still sending messages that indicated they were both still together, I got the hint.
I got upset, and broke up with him. Being conflicted, I was my usual indecisive self and then tried to immediately thereafter make things right. Naive, please don't forget that as you read.
When he tried to explain himself, I wasn't really terribly open minded. Looking back, I can't blame myself. What I read had been a good hard slap in the face. Him trying to explain that he loved us both seemed ridiculous at first, just because of what he did to her. Looking back, I can understand that a little more, but still. He was dating her still, or at least that certainly how it looked, while he was dating me. Have any of you ever heard the term "cheating" in relation to relationships.
It wasn't fair. Not to me, and certainly not to Mr. Shelton's other girlfriend. So that is why I now believe that I was justified in my actions.
So here's my explanation for Shelton's most recent death. He was trying to get away from -me-. And instead of acting like a man, and telling me to get away from his blog, or even at least giving an honest last post, he faked his own death and let Vexil along with every single other blogger look like the bad guy.
There, that's the real reason for the blog wipe. That is why I got so upset that I deleted the complete history of Everything I See. That's why you can't go back and read my other posts. Because I got emotional and acted rashly, like any human might.
Just because we're running, doesn't mean that we loose the right to that. And I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I am some hero like Zeke Strahm. I don't think I have, because that just isn't me. I guess that just makes me pretty boring, huh?
I know it's late for me to post this now. But Shelton has made yet another miraculous return from the dead, and has admitted he owes an explanation. Not just to me, but to everyone here on the blogs. On his own post, I have commented that it had better be a damn good one. We'll see if it turns out to be some chivalrous hero story to mostly dead air. Or maybe it will be something honest that gains him a bit more respect from at least my side of the story.
I will give him some credit, though. After what, 2 months now? He contacted me and gave me an apology last night. And as I've said many times before, and as I said last night, I forgive him. Perhaps not entirely, and trusting him would be damn near impossible, but forgiveness I can do.
You know, it really hurt when it all happened. And when it did, I was plunging right into a period of time where I could have used every ounce of help I could get from people who were moderately sane. Now, at the still quite young age of 16, I am at least grateful for the heartbreak. One shouldn't take bad things for granted. Daddy did always tell me to learn from my... Well, I don't want to say mistake. Bad choice. So, I learned, the hard way.
Young love is stupid anyway ;P
And you know what? For the first time, I can really look back at something and admit that I'm not sorry for how I acted. And hindsight is 20/20. So I guess that is always a positive.
Happy Birthday to Me
It's been a lousy year. Friends and Family out of my life, relationships damaged, countless people dead.
Hell, you only need to look through my followers to see that though, right? i don't know why I even post any more. No one comments, no one has anything to say.
Oh well, Live in the Light, right?
...That was terrible. *cough/-shot-/cough*
Anyway, I've been trying to extract my lungs via my esophagus since Friday. Been coughing up some foul smelling black slag. It's been fun. Gabe is a stubborn ass that refuses to be more than three feet away even though he's going to catch my Nyquil-aint-doing-shit death cough.
Gabe feels this incessant need to remind me that he is my boyfriend now, and therefore it is his job to be a pain in my ass about things like this. (Did I ever mention that here before now? 0.o)
Of course, I pretty much tacklehugged him when I woke up and found him waiting with an ice cream cake. I was a very happy Sammie. :3 I love my ice cream cake. It felt oddly normal, but it made me happy, so ^^
Anyway, he wasn't terribly happen to see a certain ghost of my past has returned from the dead *cough*again*/cough*. But, on to happier things.
Like that it's my birthday. Haha, I have lived to celebrate the 16th anniversarry of the day my fantastic self was born!
I'm going to cut the fake ego now. :3
Stay safe everyone.
Hell, you only need to look through my followers to see that though, right? i don't know why I even post any more. No one comments, no one has anything to say.
Oh well, Live in the Light, right?
...That was terrible. *cough/-shot-/cough*
Anyway, I've been trying to extract my lungs via my esophagus since Friday. Been coughing up some foul smelling black slag. It's been fun. Gabe is a stubborn ass that refuses to be more than three feet away even though he's going to catch my Nyquil-aint-doing-shit death cough.
Gabe feels this incessant need to remind me that he is my boyfriend now, and therefore it is his job to be a pain in my ass about things like this. (Did I ever mention that here before now? 0.o)
Of course, I pretty much tacklehugged him when I woke up and found him waiting with an ice cream cake. I was a very happy Sammie. :3 I love my ice cream cake. It felt oddly normal, but it made me happy, so ^^
Anyway, he wasn't terribly happen to see a certain ghost of my past has returned from the dead *cough*again*/cough*. But, on to happier things.
Like that it's my birthday. Haha, I have lived to celebrate the 16th anniversarry of the day my fantastic self was born!
I'm going to cut the fake ego now. :3
Stay safe everyone.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Oh Gods...
Slice...
Just...
FUCK. I can't get on here and see some good fucking news?!
Slice was one of my original friends on the blogs. He was one of the survivors left. Scott might be dead. Raz is MIA again. Anon is in the hands of two proxies. Stormy is Slender's. Holly is hardly a blogger anymore, but she got out and away from this, so at least she has a happy ending. And you all know the fate of V and Adrian.
Those are the people I remember really being around when I started gaining followers. They were my friends before I started running or anything. Sice was one of the people around to try and talk me out of the mythos. It's going to be strange not having his updates to read anymore.
I guess all I can do now is hope everyone who's still living can make it out alive and sane. And everyone who isn't is able to rest in peace and finds happiness a wherever their spirits went.
Just...
FUCK. I can't get on here and see some good fucking news?!
Slice was one of my original friends on the blogs. He was one of the survivors left. Scott might be dead. Raz is MIA again. Anon is in the hands of two proxies. Stormy is Slender's. Holly is hardly a blogger anymore, but she got out and away from this, so at least she has a happy ending. And you all know the fate of V and Adrian.
Those are the people I remember really being around when I started gaining followers. They were my friends before I started running or anything. Sice was one of the people around to try and talk me out of the mythos. It's going to be strange not having his updates to read anymore.
I guess all I can do now is hope everyone who's still living can make it out alive and sane. And everyone who isn't is able to rest in peace and finds happiness a wherever their spirits went.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
...Fucking Mother of Hell
I... God fucking damn everything.
These have been the worst few days of my life. I mean... Ugh. I don't want to talk about it, but I do. My head is pounding, and Gabe is awake and has been demanding answers since we got back to the hotel room. The door has been mythically fixed, to those that care. Which is great. I'm almost out of cash. This is the last night in a hotel we can afford, I think.
I'm going to start with me. Saturday night, I woke up around 1:30 am. So, Sunday morning. Not really important. I woke up because something had pinned me to my front, and was tying my wrists, I struggled, and threw it off. In the dim light, I could see it was a person. I flicked on a light, and see Vera staring up at me from the floor. But I knew something else was there, I could just feel it. No, that's a lie, I could feel -him-. Almost like he cast a shadow in my mind. I glanced up... And there -he- was. Just standing there, his head cocked. He 'stared at me like that, and I stared back. Vera... Vindicta... Whoever, she didn't dare disrupt our staring match.
Something changed. He shifted first, and it was almost like time ha unfrozen. Vera launched at me, tackling me. I was so surprised and tried I tumbled back and cracked my head on the wall so hard I saw stars. I don't remember anything else in the hotel room.
When I woke up, I was in a dusty room with a single, curtain-less window. There was no bed or anything, and I was left sitting in the corner. My wrists were tied behind my back. My ankles were bound together. My head was throbbing and I just felt -wrong-. It felt like there was that weird... Cloud thing in my head again,like something was pushing against my mind.
Vindicta was on a stool near the door, wrapped up in her iPod. She glanced over at me, looking a little surprised that I was awake. And then she grinned at me. Not her normal grin. No, it was just... Evil is the best way to put it.
We just sort of stared at each other for a while. That's all we really did when we were alone. She didn't hurt me, I didn't talk to her. It was kind of a silent, mutual agreement we had, I think.
It was when He was in the room that things were bad. Vindicta would watch and he and I either stared at each other, or he chose to assault my mind and leave me in so much pain it felt like he was ripping open my skull and my brain and bagging it and hanging it from trees, all while I was awake and able to feel it all. I don't know how, but the whole process made my entire body sore. It was... Awful. It happened a couple of times before Wednesday.
Tuesday, fairly late and night, Slender carried Gabe in. He was unconscious and tied up. I think the first I spoke to Vera... Vindicta. The first I spoke to -Vindicta- was when I asked what the hell they did to him. She didn't really give me an answer, and slender shut me up pretty quick.
Adrian came in like the big hero on Wednesday. I really only heard what happened as opposed to see it, as Vindicta had been operating from another room that day. There was the sound of glass breaking, which I later learned was the front window. Adrian apparently has some sniper training, and shot Vindicta in the knee. I heard her hobble to the door and open it. I heard them have a scuffle. There were lots of bangs and thuds and yelling an cursing. Then there were three gun shots, but the scuffle still continued. I managed to get myself free and then helped Gabe out. He lead me out, and we talked with Adrian.
Well, Gabe talked. I saw V... My V, my sister, knocked unconscious on the floor, bloody and beaten to hell. I screamed at him and called him a bunch of nasty names. He threatened to tranquilize me and actually did tranquilize Gabe. I've... I've never been that angry before in my life, I don't think. What he did to Vera was too fucking -real-.
Then he offered to take us all to safety, and promised to care for V and make Vindicta disappear. He promised Gabe and I would be free of Him.
I helped him tie up V and let him take her. I let him go with her. I'm a terrible, rotten person who let a murder take my as good as blood best friend away to Primus knows where to use her as a lab rat. And I didn't go with them to protect her. I watched him leave, and waited in that house.
Slender came in at come point, and everything went black. When I woke up, Gabe was awake and flipping his shit and my head was throbbing but we were back in the hotel room with all of our things as we'd left them.
You all must think that I'm stupid for not taking Adrian up on his offer. I had my chance to get Gabe and I out and I didn't take it.
I just don't trust him. I'm terrible for it, but he might be able to care for her when she'd just wind up killing me eventually. Maybe he can save her. If he can... I'm going to cut off all contact from them, so they don't get infected again. Maybe they can make it work. I hope that they can.
When Gabe reads this, he'd probably going to hate me...
I'm not okay. I feel violated and disgusting and there's a huge ugly operator symbol shaped bruise on my back. And we're almost out of money. And it took me days to write this because I keep sobbing and hacking my lungs out and getting nosebleeds every ime i write this like He doesn't want me to share the story.
i'm scared, guys. i fucked up and i'm scared and i want my best friend and my famiy and y friends and my cat. i want to wake up and be home an the worst think i have to worry about is taking a math test that ay or something. i want my life back...
my head hurts... that fuzzy feeling is back...
These have been the worst few days of my life. I mean... Ugh. I don't want to talk about it, but I do. My head is pounding, and Gabe is awake and has been demanding answers since we got back to the hotel room. The door has been mythically fixed, to those that care. Which is great. I'm almost out of cash. This is the last night in a hotel we can afford, I think.
I'm going to start with me. Saturday night, I woke up around 1:30 am. So, Sunday morning. Not really important. I woke up because something had pinned me to my front, and was tying my wrists, I struggled, and threw it off. In the dim light, I could see it was a person. I flicked on a light, and see Vera staring up at me from the floor. But I knew something else was there, I could just feel it. No, that's a lie, I could feel -him-. Almost like he cast a shadow in my mind. I glanced up... And there -he- was. Just standing there, his head cocked. He 'stared at me like that, and I stared back. Vera... Vindicta... Whoever, she didn't dare disrupt our staring match.
Something changed. He shifted first, and it was almost like time ha unfrozen. Vera launched at me, tackling me. I was so surprised and tried I tumbled back and cracked my head on the wall so hard I saw stars. I don't remember anything else in the hotel room.
When I woke up, I was in a dusty room with a single, curtain-less window. There was no bed or anything, and I was left sitting in the corner. My wrists were tied behind my back. My ankles were bound together. My head was throbbing and I just felt -wrong-. It felt like there was that weird... Cloud thing in my head again,like something was pushing against my mind.
Vindicta was on a stool near the door, wrapped up in her iPod. She glanced over at me, looking a little surprised that I was awake. And then she grinned at me. Not her normal grin. No, it was just... Evil is the best way to put it.
We just sort of stared at each other for a while. That's all we really did when we were alone. She didn't hurt me, I didn't talk to her. It was kind of a silent, mutual agreement we had, I think.
It was when He was in the room that things were bad. Vindicta would watch and he and I either stared at each other, or he chose to assault my mind and leave me in so much pain it felt like he was ripping open my skull and my brain and bagging it and hanging it from trees, all while I was awake and able to feel it all. I don't know how, but the whole process made my entire body sore. It was... Awful. It happened a couple of times before Wednesday.
Tuesday, fairly late and night, Slender carried Gabe in. He was unconscious and tied up. I think the first I spoke to Vera... Vindicta. The first I spoke to -Vindicta- was when I asked what the hell they did to him. She didn't really give me an answer, and slender shut me up pretty quick.
Adrian came in like the big hero on Wednesday. I really only heard what happened as opposed to see it, as Vindicta had been operating from another room that day. There was the sound of glass breaking, which I later learned was the front window. Adrian apparently has some sniper training, and shot Vindicta in the knee. I heard her hobble to the door and open it. I heard them have a scuffle. There were lots of bangs and thuds and yelling an cursing. Then there were three gun shots, but the scuffle still continued. I managed to get myself free and then helped Gabe out. He lead me out, and we talked with Adrian.
Well, Gabe talked. I saw V... My V, my sister, knocked unconscious on the floor, bloody and beaten to hell. I screamed at him and called him a bunch of nasty names. He threatened to tranquilize me and actually did tranquilize Gabe. I've... I've never been that angry before in my life, I don't think. What he did to Vera was too fucking -real-.
Then he offered to take us all to safety, and promised to care for V and make Vindicta disappear. He promised Gabe and I would be free of Him.
I helped him tie up V and let him take her. I let him go with her. I'm a terrible, rotten person who let a murder take my as good as blood best friend away to Primus knows where to use her as a lab rat. And I didn't go with them to protect her. I watched him leave, and waited in that house.
Slender came in at come point, and everything went black. When I woke up, Gabe was awake and flipping his shit and my head was throbbing but we were back in the hotel room with all of our things as we'd left them.
You all must think that I'm stupid for not taking Adrian up on his offer. I had my chance to get Gabe and I out and I didn't take it.
I just don't trust him. I'm terrible for it, but he might be able to care for her when she'd just wind up killing me eventually. Maybe he can save her. If he can... I'm going to cut off all contact from them, so they don't get infected again. Maybe they can make it work. I hope that they can.
When Gabe reads this, he'd probably going to hate me...
I'm not okay. I feel violated and disgusting and there's a huge ugly operator symbol shaped bruise on my back. And we're almost out of money. And it took me days to write this because I keep sobbing and hacking my lungs out and getting nosebleeds every ime i write this like He doesn't want me to share the story.
i'm scared, guys. i fucked up and i'm scared and i want my best friend and my famiy and y friends and my cat. i want to wake up and be home an the worst think i have to worry about is taking a math test that ay or something. i want my life back...
my head hurts... that fuzzy feeling is back...
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
What the fuck?!
Sammie is gone. She just up and left while I was asleep. I waited around for her that entire day. Now it's been since Saturday I guess? Has anyone heard from her?
Was it something I said? Did I do something wrong? I just I don't understand why the hell she would do this.
And the door was royally screwed up like a crackhead squirrel attacked it. All sorts of weird stuff. Something that looks like a tree some weird code looking thing a bunch of (X) symbols. It honestly looks like someone is screwing up the sign of the Zodiac Killer. What's with that?
Alright I'm going to add myself as a contributer on here and then I'm going to go out looking for her. Hopefully she hasn't gone far. I'll post this when I get back.
Edit: Holy. Shit.
I just came back from looking for her. I went to go back in and I realized there was dryed blood on the door. How did I not see that before?
I checked her side of the room(It was cheaper to get two beds in one room and what Knightess somehow manage d to get out of her bank account isn't going to last. I have no idea why the account was still working and how no one has traced us yet after accessing it. Someone is screwing up big time.) All of her stuff is still here. She didn't have much to begin with but I mean everything. Even Vera's necklace and I've only seen her take that off before she goes to bed.
Fuck she didn't just leave did she?
FUCK. I ned help. What do I do? I don't know what I'm doing and Sam's gone and theres blood on my door and there is someone at the door and banging against it andfghjkl;'
Idiots, the both of them. Now that those two are out of my hair.... Knightess is alive, for now. So is that want-to-be. But not for very long. You had best hurry if you want them back, anyone.
Was it something I said? Did I do something wrong? I just I don't understand why the hell she would do this.
And the door was royally screwed up like a crackhead squirrel attacked it. All sorts of weird stuff. Something that looks like a tree some weird code looking thing a bunch of (X) symbols. It honestly looks like someone is screwing up the sign of the Zodiac Killer. What's with that?
Alright I'm going to add myself as a contributer on here and then I'm going to go out looking for her. Hopefully she hasn't gone far. I'll post this when I get back.
Edit: Holy. Shit.
I just came back from looking for her. I went to go back in and I realized there was dryed blood on the door. How did I not see that before?
I checked her side of the room(It was cheaper to get two beds in one room and what Knightess somehow manage d to get out of her bank account isn't going to last. I have no idea why the account was still working and how no one has traced us yet after accessing it. Someone is screwing up big time.) All of her stuff is still here. She didn't have much to begin with but I mean everything. Even Vera's necklace and I've only seen her take that off before she goes to bed.
Fuck she didn't just leave did she?
FUCK. I ned help. What do I do? I don't know what I'm doing and Sam's gone and theres blood on my door and there is someone at the door and banging against it andfghjkl;'
Idiots, the both of them. Now that those two are out of my hair.... Knightess is alive, for now. So is that want-to-be. But not for very long. You had best hurry if you want them back, anyone.
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